Ambiguous Loss
Written by: Sedef
It is hard to be the newcomer, the new person, or the one who is so unfamiliar with a different and foreign environment. Anyone around the world experiences anxiety stepping into a new place within a group of new people. We usually rely on our acquaintances and friends to introduce and make this transition smoother. But what happens when we are forced out of our familiar surroundings and need to leave our hometowns, homes, and states to flee from some disaster to a place that we know no one?
Stepping into to unknown is already hard. When we add the multitudes of losses we experience to the existing fear and anxiety of the unfamiliar and unknown, it is even more challenging. A migrant who had to leave their home without the guarantee of going back had to leave more than just their home behind. Sometimes, people leave behind their parents, and sometimes, they have to leave their kids, spouses, lovers, and pets. Sometimes they even need to leave behind the familiar sounds of their mother tongue. Songs of the local birds, the taste of the usual morning cup, the sounds of the local streets, the sights of their neighborhood, the aroma of the meals shared with the dear faces of loved ones, the way the sun lays its rays before it sets in their bedroom, and all those comfortably familiar details are left behind. The layers and layers of losses are there in every migrant's story.
The loss's ambiguity provides no place, ritual, customary ceremony to mourn and grieve properly. There are many new things to learn for someone who gets the chance to flee and arrive at a safe destination. The excitement of the new may fog the craving for the old and the familiar. But those layers of losses are waiting to be told and heard. They may come out of nowhere with a single familiar scent, sound, or sight and tug our hearts with a deep yearning.
Ambiguous loss is a bereavement term that doesn't have a long history in grief counseling. Every migrant goes through a period of deep mourning where they recognize and process their multitudes of losses. The individual nature of each migrant's story also changes the list of their losses and the nature of their bereavement journey.
When the pain of your losses tugs your heart, please remember to honor your grief.
Please recognize that anyone who leaves behind a childhood home and moves to a new territory goes through loss and mourning. You are not alone in your grief! There is help!
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